Thursday, January 15, 2009

Wags' 2005 Tour Diary: Deluxe Expanded Reissue Vol. VII

Outside Las Cruces, NM
What a weekle! Where to start? New Orleans is tremendous fun but very dangerous for someone like me. I knew there was a reason I live in a city with no 24 hour bars. We rolled in about 10:00 Sunday night intending to wander around and visit some bars all night, and then get a motel room the next afternoon. The first bar we stepped into, THE ABBEY, was just like home. Just a total dive w/a great jukebox.* J and I were in heaven. We pretty much stayed all night while Liz slept in the van. Our bartender Gillian was a badass. Way out of control. As the sun came up, about 2 hours after we became officially stupid, I overheard the dude on my right talkin' to his friend: "Man, those are some heavy glasses". His friend said: "Well, I have mass." I decided to interrupt. (Backstory: for a couple of years in the late '90s I was in a band in Cols. with my friends LOU POSTER and BETH SHAFFER.** POST went on to form GRAFTON with another bandmate of mine. Stealer! Anyway, our band was named I HAVE MASS.) I don't know why I felt compelled to interrupt - after all, it was such a random comment; it could've meant anything - but I was pretty curious. Long story short, this "friend" is named LLOYD MILLER and he's a Cols. expat with whom we have several mutual enemies and friends and he was indeed referring to my old band and do you guys need a place to stay or at least a run-on sentence? Is this a crazy world or what?

Lloyd is a stand-up guy. If you see him give him a kiss on the cheek. Or if you are a germophobe, give him your ATM card. He deserves it.

Road rule #48: If you leave New Orleans early in a Tuesday morning, don't leave your video camera at Lloyd's house. You will regret it as soon as you realize what you've done. And by "you", I mean "Justin".

Yeah, NOLA is pretty much a tourist trap, no 2 ways about it. But the people there (at the bar, where we were) were friendly. "Where we were" - that's an interesting phrase. Same letters over and over, with no hard consonants. Dig on that, Jack.

Texas is big. I mean, you see that junk on a map, you be like "Damn shit is big!" But you just don't know until you get there. That fucker is HUGE. And it's true. Everything IS bigger in Texas, except me.

When we got to Dallas, we slowly realized that "oh yeah, we're a band on tour!" It seemed like a year ago back in Florida. Here's some fun trivia for the kids: How many people came to see Earwig in Dallas? How many people even came into the bar for a beverage? If you said "more than zero" you need to back up, buddy. Dallas fuckin' sucks. Didn't make a dime. Hell, I feel bad for the bartender, door guy, sound guy for wasting their time. Maybe if there had been a local band on the bill? I mean, I'm no expert. Why didn't we play Austin instead? Yup - you guessed it. Jerks. Tex-Ass.

The weather has been remarkably kind to us so far considering our AC lasted FOR ONE DAY. We've been lucky with the temps. I'll talk about New Mexico*** after I catch a little napsky and kill my pen for being SO SHITTY.

P.S. That thing I said about the weather? Too soon. Arizona has changed all that.

*I probably played "Metal Guru" 15 times that night.

**Beth is now known as Eli and he lives in New York City. We are friends on myspace.

***You'll notice that I won't.

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