A Twittered Dream (part 2)

As things progressed with the making and mastering of Earwig's new album 'Gibson Under Mountain', details became intense and my dreams got even stranger. A nightly storyline started to develop centered around my quest to find an item called The Enigma Guitar. I faced down leagues of Evil Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Joy Division Cobra Nazis that were headed up by a mysterious figure called The Drag Queen King. He looked an awful lot like Tim Curry dressed in transexual garb from his Rocky Horror days. Trust me, it all made perfect sense in my dreams.

7:29 AM Feb 23rd
Finally saw the leader of the Joy Division Cobra Nazis. His name is Drag Queen King and he looks like Tim Curry in Rocky Horror Picture Show with fishnets/black lipstick...the works.
Snuck into a wolf pack enemy submarine base @ Volcano Island, the bad dudes have the Magic MONO channel strip with Majestic EQ. Can be used to make unstoppable mixes...
...for Good or Evil.
I must retrieve it to use it to mix the new Earwig record. And, um...for the good of all mankind! yeah, that's what I meant.
If dreams are like Avatar, while asleep there/I’m awake here, while asleep here/I’m awake there...then right now I'm taking a nap in an underground submarine base behind some boxes that say "Mega Turtle".
Drag Queen King is seeding the Pacific ocean w/ a powder that turns normal turtles into Evil Teenage Mutant Turtle minions that will try and stop me from finding the E-guitar.
I woke up too soon. I need to get back to sleep so that I can wake up in my dream and get the Magic MONO mixing strip.

4:05 PM Feb 23rd
@jentastic1204 I had more coffee, probably made things worse, made me more spaz. What I really need its the Magic MONO Mixer. Damn you Drag Queen King!

7:26 AM Feb 24th
In my dream, my deceased best friend gave me The Zombie Bass which is an old Fender Jazz bass that he had dipped in the river Styx.
If you play the right sequence of notes, The Zombie Bass has the power to bring inanimate objects to life.
So I used The Zombie Bass to animate a toy figure of Thing/Ben Grimm to be my bodyguard & help me build a secure fortress deep in the woods.
The Thing is now a massive/full-size behemoth and says he wants some "Clobberin' Time!" with the Evil TMNT that are after me now. Oh how he hates those evil turtles.

9:03 AM Feb 24th
I must've screwed up, now it looks like I'm on the run from Evil TMNT and Joy Division Cobra Nazis...in my Dream. They’re searching for the secret fortress. They’re getting close.

8:55 AM Feb 26th
There are wild vampires in the woods surrounding my hidden fortress. A pack of vampires hung out all night, scratching at my windows and clawing at my doors. I fed them garlic popcorn out the window. The loved it!
These Garlic Popcorn Vampires are just harmless woodland creatures in the forest surrounding my hidden fortress. I'm still hiding out.
I have to locate the Magic MONO Mixing board and the Enigma Guitar before the Drag Queen King and his evil Joy Division Cobra Nazis find me. They are closing in.
Young Orsen Welles Kenobi came back and tried to teach me how to tap into my ESP powers using the Zombie Bass. I just can’t seem to do it. It was exhausting...in my Dream.

10:38 AM Mar 22nd
Took some time off from the search for the E-guitar.
I was hired to be the ‘Fantasy Island’ style host for a new reality TV show called Ghouls Vs. Growlers
Famous vintage movie monsters are made 2 live together in a haunted castle in Transylvania. The Ghouls: Mummy, Dracula The Growlers: Werewolf, Creature from the Back Lagoon , Frankenstein
These retired monsters! They're all cranky old geezers that don't get along. I mediate/host & suggested that we bring in Bride of Frankenstein to spend the weekend on the island.
Frankenstein got REALLY jealous & tried 2 strangle Phantom of the Opera when he sang the Bride a song. He's a good organist, can't sing 4 shit. Frank was crying all night, Bride was being a big bitch. From there it devolved quickly into a geezer monster bitch fest. I had to jet.
The Thing and I are heading back to the secret fortress in So. Ohio woods.


12:50 PM Apr 22nd
Last night, a spicy meal kick-started my Enigma Guitar dream sequence again.
When I returned to my hidden fortress from Monster Island, Thing and I were ambushed by a platoon of evil Joy Division Cobra Nazis
My bodyguard fought valiantly but was destroyed and Evil turtles scattered Grimm’s stones/bones in a field
I escaped using a Sonic Maximizer to digitally delete the enemy and their knowledge of my secret location
My Sonic Maximizer is a little black box that can alter the vibrations of yr surrounding reality
Uses: Disrupt dimensional vibrations 2 destroy physical objects and/or adjust reality so that I can walk through walls and other cool stuff
After destroying the Evil Joy Division Cobra Nazis, I collected Grimm’s stones and stored them in the stasis chamber below the fortress.
Spicy food gave me these dreams? Or maybe it's just the new drugs I'm on...


10:01 AM Apr 23rd
Robert Downey Jr. came by and turned my magic orange singing boots into a sweet orange 1970 Chevy Nova.
We went driving down deserted Appalachian dirt roads. Stereo only plays Pixies songs. He quizzed me on Star Wars trivia to engage my E.S.P.
He was wearing a Jedi robe. This is Robert Downey Jr. in full make-up & fake accent from Tropic Thunder. Wanted me to play the Zombie Bass.
We looked up to see ‘The Catholic Mother Ship” cruising low over the countryside.
It's a huge triangular Star Destroyer, but with side rails and masts, like a pirate ship.
Drag Queen King and the Pope stood on the deck, searching the trees. The Pope is his boss? Luckily the secret fortress is invisible.
Back at the fortress, I used the Zombie Bass to see which hanger on Volcano Island the Cobra/Nazis are hiding the magic MONO mixer in.
In a huge hanger, just like in Raiders of the Lost Ark, the magic MONO mixer is in one of those crates. I know which one!
I used my Sonic Maximizer to fold-space and transport myself into the enemy hanger with the MMM.
But the evil Cobra Nazis had a shield up and I got booted to the vast deserts of the planet Dune. I was chased for hours by giant sand worms
Eventually found my lost Sonic Maximizer in the sand and set it to jump vibration-time & bypass the Nazi defense shield at Volcano Island.
I grabbed the magic MONO Mixer and brought it back to the hidden fortress. Those damn Cobra Nazis never knew what hit ‘em.
The MMM is a sweet channel strip that you operate using E.S.P. It has Majestic EQ & magic. I used it to mix 2 Earwig songs.
Trees and Shiny Morning were mixed using the magic MONO mixer and E.S.P. They now have special powers. In my dream...


9:41 AM Apr 28th
Mr T took me 2 the Ohio State fair 2 C a band called Rattlesnake that looked suspiciously like the Arctic Monkeys in Insane Clown Posse make-up
They sucked. But Mr.T (and the audience) loved them...go figure.
Mr. had a new inflatable plastic suit that you blew-up with yr mouth, like a beach ball. He wasn’t wearing his bling. Something was off.
He bought me some cotton candy and kept asking about the E-guitar. He was acting very strange, then I realized, they flipped Mr. T!
Drag Queen King had gotten to him and turned him into a double agent. Damn. So I ditched him and went to ride the Midway rides.
There was a huge jumpy-inflatable kids castle thing in the fairway. The sign said “Champion Ball”. I got a ticket and went in.
There was an awesome team dodge-ball game going on inside. @jfaller1 was there. We were on the same team! She/we kicked much dodgeball ass
Dream dodge-ball is fun. Because sometimes it’s in slo-motion.
Collected my trophy, said my goodbyes and split. Hopped in the magic orange Nova and headed home to the hidden Secret Thought Fortress.
Put the Nova on auto-pilot, hit the invisibility button and listened to the Pixies all the way home.


8:54 AM May 4th
You know those Black Helicopters that the Gov. uses for Secret Missions and Black Ops.? One landed in my yard last night.
It was w/ stocked w/ classified documents like some Night Mission flying Bookmobile w/ Top Secret books on Government Conspiracies & cover-ups
Took me for a ride over downtown D.C. and offered me a briefcase full of cash
They wanted me to tell them what I know about something they call the “Elektra Guitar” project. I had to laugh.
I didn't say shit. They dropped me off with a "warning". But I did snag a cool 'How To' book about Remote Viewing...In My Dream...
I was back at the waterfront, looking for clues. A skinny assassin dressed in a wide brim hat and trench coat got the drop on me.
Looked like that bad-ass Jap Anime vampire hunter Alucard from Hellsing. The government had sent him 2 get me. Reached 4 his switchblade...
...that's when I saw his tattoo. On the inside of his fore arm, a snake swallowing an egg. I've got the same tattoo.
I showed him mine. Turns out, we're brothers. Now he's gonna help me find the E-guitar. In my dream.

To be continued...

A Twittered Dream (part 1)

I’ve always had vivid dreams. Sometimes more than others, depending on what’s going on in my life and what’s stressing me out. And my dreams often have songs or crazy story-lines in them. In fact, every song on the new Earwig album has it’s start one way or another from one of my dreams.

While working on the new Earwig record, I went a little crazy and my dreams followed suit. As my waking hours were consumed with trying to record and mix the new Earwig songs just right, while asleep, I embarked upon a dream sequence that took my ambitions to their furthest conclusion...I must perfect these songs and mixes to defeat a world wide Evil and bring Harmony to the universe! As the mixing, mastering and production phases of the CD progressed my dreams got more intense. Along the way, they included many odd b-list celebrity cameos from the likes of Neal Patrick Harris, Prince, Mr. T., Michelle Obama, Jack White, Creepy Thin Man, R.E.M. and more. I mini-blogged about the dreams on Earwig’s Twitter feed and have collected them here for yr enjoyment.

2:41 PM Nov 17th, 2009
I've engaged the ire of the Producer. Things are going exactly according to my plans!

6:36 PM Jan 20th , 2010
I will dream of strange rock mixes tonight, of that I am sure. Not About You mix is done. Sounds fab.

10:03 AM Jan 22nd
Thank you Prince, for letting Earwig use yr warehouse rehearsal space & the Revolution's gear 2 practice...in my DREAM! I'm glad we're pals. You let us stay at yr mansion!
Yes! Even after the Apocalypse, Earwig will continue to rock...and need a place to practice.
Oh, and thanks also to the Mad Max/Eskimo war party for raiding my village last night. WTF?
You guys are freaks! Why'd you burn down my hut?

8:17 AM Jan 25th
Spent the night driving around in a top down Jeep with my good pals Mr. T & Michelle Obama.
Scouring the record stores, looking for obscure indie vinyl for Michelle.
We want to find songs and sounds that help solve multiple world-wide crisis.
My dreams keep getting better. Michelle O. is a sweetheart. And Mr. T didn't even recognize her!

10:58 AM Jan 26th
Last night Jack White & I argued about who "created" the 1st guitar riff.
We got into a mean fist fight about it. My mom had to break us up...in my dream.
It's cool though, we made up. After the fight, Jack & I wandered the beautiful Scottish country side and he told me of a "magical guitar" called the Enigma Guitar... in my dream. He said that I must find it.

8:29 AM Jan 27th
I spent the night working undercover in the Future as a secret agent.
I was searching for Evil G.I. Joe/Cobra looking bad guys that carry around huge Rickenbacker bass guitars. They are big, all-black robot/Nazi looking dudes. They play super-slow Joy Division tunes on the bass guitars & melt yr brain. I learned that they can trap U in yr sleep.
Then I found a small keyboard under a flap of skin on the palm of my left hand that can be used to "pre-program" or "re-program" the W.O.R.L.D.
So I re-programmed the W.O.R.L.D. to provide better more effective aid in Haiti and pre-programmed it to stop Global Warming...in my dream.

7:10 AM Jan 28th
Ha! I did wake up after all.
You see @cbusmom I was playing chess, drinking coffee and being lectured to about Physics by the Creepy Thin Man all night...in my dream.
We discussed and debated the Zen of quantum physics. He said to me "You wanna know a secret? Yr never gonna wake up!". He was wrong?...in my dream

10:44 AM Feb 1st
Spent 1/2 the night as Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard. Michelle Obama was Whitney. I had to make sure that the kids got to school safely and shit. Then we went record shopping again.

7:26 AM Feb 2nd
These bright orange combat boots R magic. I found them while record shopping with Michelle O. They can fly & they can also teach me songs that they stole from "that guy in the Pixies"...In my dream.

7:05 AM Feb 4th
Last night, I discovered that Neil Patrick Harris lives inside @madebyamyD 's refrigerator. Open the door, he's there- Dressed as Dr. Horrible. And she says that he's her 'House Boy'
NPH cries and asks me "R U trying to make my dad dance?" His dad, who also lives in Amy’s fridge, is Mel Gibson...and the answer is YES... Mel and I dance...In My Dream
Mel uses Nazi mind-tricks to try and melt my brain. It doesn’t work. I stuff him back in the fridge.
@madebyamyD With dreams like these..it's safer 4 EVERYONE if I'm awake. It was a nice diner party tho' (in my dream) I dig yr new mansion and HUGE fridge with people living in it.

10:33 AM Feb 5th
I escaped from the Klingon gulag on Rura Penthe by digging a tunnel w/ my detached left forearm. The tunnel came out into a Beastie Boys concert in 1986.
While there, I met up w/ Miss America in a wheelchair who could break-dance. And she did. In a wheelchair. My left arm was returned to me in a box. In my dream.

7:42 AM Feb 8th
Saw a great band last night. Luke Skywalker was rockin' out w/ Chewbacca on bass. It was completely awesome! ...In my dream.
Left the Star Wars concert in a jet black land-speeder. I picked up a young Orson Welles @ the Cantina. He was dressed like Ben Kenobi. He said that we must find the Enigma Guitar and he will teach me the way.
Beyond the Dune Sea, still searching for the Enigma Guitar, Orson and I were lured into the caves by beautiful dancing girls.
Beautiful dancing girls who then turned into giant spiders! We captured one, made her small and extracted her poison fang... In my dream.

10:51 AM Feb 9th
Last night, I sat in on 2nd guitar with vintage R.E.M. @ a club gig. We played the hits and encored w/ "Dream Police" by Cheap Trick. They did not know where to find the E-guitar.
Peter Buck told me that I should find the magic MONO mixer to mix the Earwig record.
I left to scour abandoned waterfront warehouses for the magic MONO mixer and a fabled magic talking Picasso painting entitled "The 4th Personality of Jim Morrison".
It’s a talking portrait of bare-chested Jim Morrison in a wedding dress. I found it, but talked all night to the wrong personality, did not locate Enigma Guitar.
But I learned many clues about it's location. There were also cute puppies...In my dream.

11:32 AM Feb 10th
Spent last night splicing in live human organs to fix my van so that I could get back to the studio to mix Earwig songs. Then I had bizarro holiday visits w/dead relatives. Took the night off from detective work and the search for Enigma Guitar.
President Obama was judging a skate-boarding contest. I entered and was catching super high air and flying around making surveillance maps of the area.
Still looking 4 the E-guitar. Obama was very worried I was going to crash land. Said he didn't want me to "make another mess for America".
And there was a flying squirrel who was helping me not get shot down by the Evil Joy Division/Cobra/Nazi dude's bass guitar blasts. They were trying to get me, in my dream.

To be continued...

Baby Snakes

Living in the country is great. I love it. No neighbors, yard golf and loads of wild nature to contend with. I've seen Bambi, tangled with wild boars and coyotes, seen strange lights in the haunted woods. You name it, we've got it. There are aspects to this lifestyle that others might chaff at, but not me. We live in Ohio's largest state forest and one of the many things we have to contend with by being so far away from civilization is that there is no water service out here. We drink delicious spring water and get the rest of the water for household use from rain collection off of our roof into a cistern. You have to watch out because sometimes critters get in the cistern and can cause problems. When I checked it last week, I found... a nest of snakes! This was a situation that needed immediate attention. My daughter graciously climbed down in to the cistern (it's underground) to collect them all. Did I mention that my daughter is FEARLESS & AWESOME?! Seriously, she went down into this dark underground lair, captured 6 snakes by hand and brought them out in a bucket. She rocks. If you look close at the picture, you might be able to see all six snakes.

So, if you need some snake wrangling, give me a call and I'll see if she's available.

Rock Star Moves

Last Friday Earwig played the CD101 Summerfest/Bacardi party at the Basement. We gave it our all and had a blast. Every time we have a show at the Basement all I can think of is when we played an Abercrombie & Fitch Xmas party there a few years back. I got pretty riled up and started working some “rock out” moves on the last song. I was fist-pumping and making faces. It was then that I noticed a heating duct that runs directly over the stage where I was standing. For some reason thought that it’d be cool to punch the duct with my fist during the solo for Rumplestiltskin. Big mistake. It was not a flimsy heating duct after all. It was solid concrete. I dislocated a knuckle and had to finish the song with a broken hand. All of my cries of pain and the awful faces I made were construed by my band mates and the audience as just more “rocking out”. Yeah. To cap it off, I ended that night with a gash above my left eye that required 6 stitches. Good times.

I guess that sometimes I just don’t know when to quit. But who wants to watch a band that just stands there and plays, right? The picture above is from Lobsterfest in Athens. I actually didn’t hurt myself at that show, but I came close. I’m wearing a brace on my arm because I had recently broken my elbow skateboarding. I had reconstructive surgery and now I have a titanium implant in my left elbow. Bionic elbow. Now that is sort of cool...

If you want to see me possibly destroy myself on stage for the benefit of public amusement, you can come see Earwig this month when we play the big outdoor show at the end party for the Pelotonia ride in Athens. I’ll be making sure that my insurance premiums are paid and up to date.