Letter to the President

NO BALLS / NO GLORY

September 26th, 2011
Dear Mr. Obama,

The Silver Baby Cup is a select rural golf invitational held in Southern Ohio on the weekend of October 29th and 30th, 2011. Our attendees represent significant interest and influence in this region as well as nationally and are substantially motivated in grass roots development.

We have been encouraged by the direction of your administration and your well-known and widely recognized sportsmanship. We cordially invite you to come and be a part of this influential gathering.

Let’s play golf.

Most Sincerely,

Lizard McGee

Lizard McGee, R.S.B.C.C.
Reigning Silver Baby Cup Champion

To Heal Yr Guts

I’ve recently been having some rough transitions with my health. I’ve been very ill and had to stay in the hospital for over a month. I’ll tell you that a hospital can be a lonely place. Not to be overly dramatic, but I could have died. I was on drip fed narcotics the whole time and blanked out or forgot long stretches of my time spent there. My family came to visit me and my son made me an incredibly cool get well card (picture above). While I was there many friends and relatives reached out to me to let me know how much they care about me. The generosity and love of others can be tremendous and I appreciate every friend and every ‘get well’ thought as a gift . It was a desperate time. But going through hell can sometimes be worth it.

Illegal Art

Do you ever hear words spoken or read signs and interpret them differently than they were intended? I do. A lot. I once saw a bumper sticker on a Volvo and I swear it said “Jesus is my beast fiend.” I’m sure that my misinterpretation was probably better than what the bumper sticker actually said. I often mis-hear song lyrics too. In the early days of REM, Michael Stipe would say that his mumbled, often unintelligible lyrics were purposefully obscured and that the words you think you hear are more meaningful to you than the actual lyrics. He felt that the songs were more powerful this way. I tend to agree with him. When I’m writing something or recording a song, often I mess up but like the mistake better than what I intended to do and decide to keep it that way. I call these mistakes Happy Accidents. I don’t always end up where I intend to go, but often am happier when I end up somewhere unexpected. I believe in intuition, chance and idiot wisdom. It can be very hard to realize at the time but often a mistake is not a mistake. This is also true when seemingly bad things happen to you in life. The picture above is a mug shot from when I was arrested when I was nineteen. The judge assigned to my case decided that she wanted to teach me a lesson. I was convicted and had to serve a very short sentence at the Franklin County Men’s Correctional Facility. Medium security prison is no joke. In my cell at night, I laid awake and listened to the crazy, homicidal stories of my fellow inmates. My short time there helped me to recognize that life is an adventure. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? I think that I learned more about myself from that unwelcome escapade than I did from many other selected employments.

Earwig is a wolf

Ronny: And what do you know? Okay, you tell me my life, I'll tell you yours. I'm a wolf? You run to the wolf in me, that don't make you no lamb. You gonna marry my brother? Why you wanna sell your life short? Playin it safe is just about the most dangerous thing a woman like you could do. I mean, you waited for the right man the first time, why didn't you wait for the right man again?

Loretta: Because he didn't come.

Ronny: I'm here.

Loretta: You're late. This is your place.

Ronny: That's right.

Loretta: So, this is where we were going?

Ronny: Yeah

Loretta: You know, We had a deal, you told me if I go to you with the opera than you'd leave me alone foreva, and I came with you! Now I'm gonna marry your brother and you're going to leave me alone forever. Right?! A person can see where they messed in their life and they can change the way they do things and they can even change their luck, so maybe my nature does draw me to you, that don't mean I have to go with it. I can take hold of myself and I can say yes to somethings and no to other things that are going to ruin everything. I can do that. Otherwise, you know, what good is this stupid life that God gave us? I mean, for what? Are you listening to me?!

Ronny: Yeah, everything seems like nothing to me now against that I want you in my bed. I don't care if I burn in hell, I don't care if you burn in hell. The past and the future is a joke to me now, I see that they're nothing. I see they ain't here, the only thing that's here is you, and me.

Loretta: I wanna go home!

Ronny: No!

Loretta: I'm gonna go home.

Ronny: No!

Loretta: I'm freezing to death!

Ronny: Come up stairs! I don't care why you come... No that's not what I mean. Loretta, I love you. Not like they told you love is. An' I didn't know this either, but love don't make things nice, it ruins everything, it breaks your heart, it makes things a mess. We aren't here to make things perfect. Snow flakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us, Not us. We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and Die! I mean the story books are bullshit!! Now I want you to come upstairs with me and GET in my bed!!

Come on? Come on. Come on...