Thursday, March 7, 2013

Thom always wanted to talk about drum machines

(Michael finishes his brown-paper cigarette, crushes it under-foot 
and rubs the day old stubble on the back of his head)

Michael- It’s just the perfect song. Really Bradley, you need to hear it.
(the girl watches, listens and nods her head in agreement, smiles at Brad)
(Brad peers out at the rain from under the canopy)
Brad- Man… I don’t really listen to the lyrics. For me, it’s all about the beat. Sorry guys.
Thom- You taking a piss?
Brad- No man. I’m standing here.
Thom- That’s straight. Beats. Beats and electronics. That’s my thing.
(He shakes his head, wiggles one leg and scruches his eyes tightly shut, as if seeing a mental picture. Lizard walks up and inserts himself into the group)
Thom- I’ve got quite a collection. It’s like a pornographic guilty pleasure.
(Thom opens his eyes and sees Lizard standing there)
(Thom gives Lizard the top to bottom once-over then looks back to Michael)
Thom- Honestly though, I've never met a beautiful girl that I really liked. But I quite fancy machines. I’m in love with my Roland Transistor Rhythm. It’s like a guitar solo that never happened.
Lizard- What’s up dooooods?
(they all look at Lizard but say nothing, Brad takes another slow drag and lets the smoke drift slowly out of his nostrils)
(Lizard begins to whistle.)
Brad- Is that Egyptian?
Thom- The 808?
Lizard- Walk Like An Egyptian?
(Thom looks at him now, one eye peering up, the other half closed)
Thom- (to Lizard) Egyptians don’t make electronics, bloke. I don’t think. And if they do, they’re crap.
Lizard- They make damn fine pyramids.
Brad- See! That was a cool fucking song.
Michael- What?
Brad- “Walk Like An Egyptian”.
Lizard- The Egyptians!
(The girl laughs out loud, catches herself and then drops her head embarassed.)
(Dermot walks over to see what’s up. Michael begins to roll another cigarette)
Lizard - They made cool shit. Like Hyroglyphics. 
Lizard- (to Dermot) Secret languages are way cool.
Dermot- Remember the Navajo code talkers!
Lizard- Exactly.
(they all ignore Dermot)
Lizard - Navajo’s’r tight. We woulda lost Iwo Jima without ‘em. It’s true.
(Dermot nods emphatically and adjusts his sunglasses)
Lizard- (he continues) And swords. Egyptians make bad-ass swords. Like that sickle thing.
Michael- A khopesh. (smoking again now, matter-of-factly)
Lizard- That’s the one! Cool fuckin’ sword.
Dermot- I don’t think you’re supposed pronounce the “w” in swords.
Lizard- Huh? (looking puzzled)
Dermot- The “w” is silent. Jut say suh-oooords (slowly as if teaching a language).
(Brad jumps in)
Brad- (to Lizard) Khopesh? Iwo Jima?
Brad- (to Dermot) Fuh-Whuck it man.
(now back to Michael)
Brad- Look, I don’t give a shit. All I care about is does it have a good beat.
Thom- (sounding like a wounded baby deer) Aaaes’riiighht!
Michael- Machines just don’t do it for me.
Michael Can a machine write a great song? No. 
Michael- (shakes his head) The answer is no.
Thom- Most Radiohead songs are actually REM songs, I just have a mentally ill child read the lyrics aloud and then I change the melodies a bit.
Lizard- I knew it!
Brad- See what I mean? Who even cares about the lyrics? The beat is the boss.
Michael- Drum machines have no soul. They’re too perfect. They don’t make mistakes.
Brad- I’ll take perfect. As long as it’s got a good beat. All I’m saying.
Michael- Mistakes are what make life beautiful.
Lizard- He’s got a point Brad.
Brad- Okay Mr. Tall Guy. (Sarcastically) You tell us, man.
Lizard- (Looking at Thom) You’ve got fuck it up. Right?
(Lizard makes a jabbing motion at Thom with his finger and stirs the air)
Lizard- It’s chaos. Mistakes are the Spooky Action. What makes it special makes it dangerous.
Thom- Saah’riiighhht!
(Thom is animated now, his leg is twitching)
Lizard- (to Michael) With machines, you just gotta fuck it up. 
(back to Brad) And mind yr road. If it’s too perfect, you’ll go crazy.
Brad- Seriously, man? What the fuck?
Lizard- Yes. I am serious as a heart attack, B-rad.
(Michael kicks softly at the ground, adjusts his back pack and coughs)
Thom- Wha’you got mate?
Lizard- I got a Kent K-2200 Rhythm System. I dig Bossa Nova on Cool variation. Usually, I just push all the buttons at once and see what happens.
Thom- That’s correct. You need to stutter it.
Brad- Sounds kinky.
Thom- (big smile) I do believe I’m up for for a night of sexual deviance.